we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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