she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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