Kiss
Puke
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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