It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
