Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
