who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
