I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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