Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
