apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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