U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
