I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
