Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
