I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The feeling are messing with the penis
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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