Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
