Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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