i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Randomize
