I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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