please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
