So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
