I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize