A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
