No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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