how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The uberlube is also flammable
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
