Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
pray to the hookup gods
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
