This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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