My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
