The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize