Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
