He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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