96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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