I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
