do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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