I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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