I heard we made out
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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