you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They have beer where we have blood.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
