hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
