You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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