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True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
