i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it glows. i had to have it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
