It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
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Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize