I hate all girls vehemently.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
