just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
