I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't make out with my wife yet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
