Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
