do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize