We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
