This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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