Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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