is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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