ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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