You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
