This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
