When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
