The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
