Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
