I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
