The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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