Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
