come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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