I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
